Being in A Committed Relationship Is an Art — Science And Culture
“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling. It is a decision, a judgement, and a promise.” — Unknown
Love is a beautiful feeling. The warmth of emotions, the butterflies in the stomach and having a safe place in someone’s arms is a feeling like no other. And, while people do fall in love unexpectedly, maintaining a committed relationship requires a lot of effort.
A perfectly baked cupcake might look stunning from the outside but if you forget to put in sugar, there is no point eating that cupcake. The same goes out for relationships too. If you are out there afraid to commit to someone who is in it for the long haul, you are likely missing out on a lot.
But, then again, each to their own. If you are someone who prefers casual relationships over committed ones, it is your preference. With the kind of dedication that commitments bring into a relationship, balancing it is a form of art.
One of the main reasons the majority of the people fear commitment is because of the lack of mental preparation about the same. So, here, I am going to unravel all the important details that you need to know concerning being in a committed relationship and why it’s way more than what you see on the surface.
What are the signs of a healthy committed relationship?
Even though the scary statistics suggest a rising rate of “Commitment Issues” in the millennials nowadays, it is not prevalent for every person that you come across. There are healthy committed relationships everywhere and in every age group, you just need to look at the signs.
Following are a few signs that indicate a healthy and committed relationship between two people.
Open communication
Communication in every relationship is a necessity. It allows you to let your partner know about your state of mind and any issues that might be bothering you. One of the most common signs of a healthy relationship that everyone underestimates is open communication. Being honest in a relationship is important and cultivates a healthy understanding between the partners and harbours better trust too.
Established self-identity
Committed relationships are about both the partners. While co-dependency isn’t a sign of weakness in a relationship, it is not JUST the only thing you find in a healthy relationship. Your partner who has committed to you for years will let you establish your self-identity in a relationship and vice versa. Maintaining healthy relationships is all about interdependency. You need to have a balance of your beliefs and your partner’s beliefs in a commitment. A healthy committed relationship isn’t just about YOU or just about YOUR PARTNER. It is about you both.
Respect personal space
Another sign of a healthy relationship commitment amidst two people is to respect each other’s personal space. While you do need to prioritize your time spent together, you will find yourself doing things that satisfy you. This is necessary to relax every once in a while, and pursue a hobby that you likely stopped doing halfway through.
Teamwork
Not many realize this but a committed relationship is all about teamwork. Not just in terms of finances but also about having each other’s back when needed. Having a well-balanced teamwork helps partners reach their goals faster as well. Committed relationship rules are all about the support you give each other. Whenever you are stuck in a pickle, you know for a fact that your partner has your back through the problems.
Focusing on solving conflicts
Misunderstandings and conflicts in a relationship is normal. But, holding a grudge about that and not resolving the issues depict a red flag in a relationship. And, that is what you need to overcome to ensure a healthy commitment towards each other. If you find either partner bringing up the past conflicts and blaming you for the fights, it is likely a sign of toxicity. But, a healthy relationship wouldn’t have such shortcomings because the partners will sit down, clarify the misunderstandings and introduce better ways to communicate in the future.
Is the fear of commitment an alarming trigger in a relationship?
Well, it depends on what the partners want. If you are here dating someone who is on the same page as you in terms of commitments, it is likely that you wouldn’t find any issues in communicating your feelings to them.
Majority of millennials nowadays are afraid of committing to a relationship, mainly because they feel like their current partner might NOT be THE ONE and some are afraid of navigating through a long-term relationship.
So, in a way, the consistent fear of commitment is a reason behind failed relationships nowadays. But, then again, you never know what is triggering that fear within you. So, try and self-reflect first.
Struggling to commit in a relationship? Here are a few Tips
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” ― Peter F. Drucker
You meet someone recently; you talk days and nights and you find yourself drawn towards them. But just when it comes to committing to them, you backtrack. This is not a new scenario but a very common hassle in the dating world nowadays.
Do you find yourself running away from a potential relationship because the thought of “settling down” and “committing” seems too daunting?
Well, here are a few quick tips that can help you nurture this issue and find yourself the ONE.
Sit down and talk to yourself
As I mentioned just above, sometimes our issues with commitment stem from personal issues and experiences. If that is the case with you, sit down and ask yourself WHY? What is stopping you from getting together with the person you are dating? Is it because of the constant conflicts that you have witnessed in several personal relationships around you? Or, it is just because you can’t seem to settle for just one person? It could be anything, you just need to be honest with yourself and find why you aren’t the commitment type.
Talk to the one you are dating
Just because you don’t want to commit to someone now doesn’t nullify the fact that you could very well be dating someone. That said, if your partner is not on the same page as you, it could end up hurting them in the long run. If you are dead set on never committing to your potential partner, be clear about that from the get go. Save yourself and your partner the pain. Giving anyone false hopes is going to do no good.
Find someone on the same page
If you are single and you don’t want to settle down or commit at the moment, it is necessary that you find someone who is on the same page as you. Commitment is never easy, so spare yourself and your future partner the pain and instead find someone who is not ready for a commitment either. Gradually down the line, you can navigate through and assess what works best for the both of you.
Talk to someone professional
This might seem TOO MUCH for a mere commitment issue but trust me, it can help you see things in a different light. If you find yourself struggling with your insecurities with relationships, talk to a professional who can help you self-reflect and guide through the shortcomings. Talking to someone can help you assess the root cause and heal from it in the long run.
How does Culture Wire into a Committed Relationship?
It doesn’t matter whether you and your partner are from the same religion and even the same caste, there will likely be something that differs in both the families. This is where the culture steps in. When it comes to commitment, both partners need to respect each other’s cultures, beliefs and values.
When you are committed in love to a person, it is not just you in that relationship. It binds in your values, your ethics and your culture along with it. The same applies to your partner as well. It blends in all the learnings that you have acquired growing up and how you portray or culminate the same in your day-to-day life. So, in a committed relationship, you bring along those values and your partner needs to understand them and respect them. You need to reciprocate the same too.
A committed relationship allows you to learn new perspectives to your partner’s culture and respect and acknowledge it the same way you want your partner to do so. In case you are faced with a dilemma or confusion concerning the culture, there is no better way to evolve than actually spending your time learning about it.
But, amidst all these, a commitment in a relationship isn’t about blind dependency. It is about having your own identity and space and having your time together as a couple. The moment you blur those lines is when things start to complicate.
“Understand first, acknowledge and respect and also maintain our identity in the relationship because it’s not about smudging into oneness. It is more about MY space, YOUR space and OUR space.” — Dr. Paras.
Nurturing the relationship
Healthy Relationships are all about acknowledging each other’s presence and importance in a relationship and not taking each other for granted. Much like we prefer old and aged wine over a new one on the shelf, the same applies to relationships too. One needs to nurture a committed relationship like a bottle of wine.
The more both partners recognise and appreciate each other’s successes and capabilities, the better the relationship grows. Building healthy relationships is a work in progress all throughout life. Just because you have your partner by your side doesn’t mean you don’t have to be appreciative of their presence anymore.
From grand gestures to miniscule efforts is what you define as the ART to a committed relationship. The more you stick around and show your affection to your partner, the deeper the relationship becomes.
What is the science behind a committed relationship?
When talking about the science behind a committed relationship, it is all about the psychological aspects. Every individual, despite their relationship status, has their self-identity. And, it is extremely important in a committed relationship for every individual to identify one’s shortcomings in their own self and ensure that they don’t force in on their partners.
Just because you like things a certain way doesn’t mean your partner has to as well. And, that is what commitment in a relationship entails. You need to have that understanding of your own self in terms of psychological needs and restrict your traits to yourself.
But, then again, there are always limitations to these self-beliefs because these changes don’t happen in a day but take quite some time to take course.
Final Words
Much like our academics and career, we graduate and grow in our relationships too. With every decade that you have spent with your partner, you step up into the success ladder of a relationship. But, in order to achieve the ultimate title of Ph.D, both the partners need to be giving into a relationship. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day and so doesn’t any relationship. It takes time, care, empathy and understanding.
A relationship is all about balance between both the partners. And, when it comes to a committed relationship, it is as precious as an art but equally challenging to withhold. At Matrixx, I help you navigate through these hurdles, especially when it comes to your personal issues and insecurities. Remember that everything in life happens at its own pace, and so does relationships. Just because everyone around you is settling down and finding their soulmate doesn’t mean you have to as well. You need to find a healthy way to navigate through the shortcomings and let everything fall into place.
“Commitment is understanding and appreciating each other’s CULTURE, the ART of lifting your partner’s success with small and grand efforts and the SCIENCE of restricting your self-limiting thoughts instead of purging them on your partner” — Dr. Paras.
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