Fear of Commitment — Millennial’s Biggest Struggle in Relationship

Dr Paras


Millennials have mastered a lot of things, “Commitment phobia” being one of them.

If you are scrounging through the internet trying to find an escape from a relationship after your partner hinted at something that has got to do with a forever bond, otherwise known as marriage, you are in the right place.

Millennials have mastered a lot of things, “Commitment phobia” being one of them.

People are either freaked out over the thought of committing or have a nagging feeling in the back of their minds over the consequences it brings along.

In an online survey conducted by eHarmony, an online dating website, they could pinpoint the exact reasons why.

· 39% of millennials aren’t sure whether their current partner is “THE ONE” for them.

· 15% of millennials wonder whether they would stumble across someone better than their current partner.

· 34% of millennials suffer from commitment issues because they have been hurt in a past relationship.

· 29% of millennials lack the confidence to navigate through a relationship for more extended periods.

· 10% of millennials can’t even imagine being in a relationship with just one person for the rest of their lives.

Why Commitment phobia?

It is common for you to hear your friend come and rant to you about their fear of commitment. You have likely thought about it too.

But, why is the millennial generation so afraid of commitment and finding someone to settle down with?

This is where we dig for answers.

Swipe Culture

Now, before you are confused about what we are talking about, we mean the dating applications — the ones that introduce you to a plethora of potential matches with just a single swipe of your finger.

Not only has it made it a lot easier for people to meet and probably hit it off, but it also provides individuals with a plethora of options.

Even a conducted survey has found that 7% of millennials have admitted that the dating applications’ available options make it hard to stick to one person.

Abandonment Issues

What you grow up experiencing is what you project in your relationships too. It is something that you will likely experience a lot, especially when you had had an authoritative figure walk out of your life when you were a child.

Not just that, individuals who have grown up with no freedom as a child seek that kind of space and freedom in their relationships.

They will likely want to explore more and not think about settling down or committing right away.

But, amidst them all, it is the impacts during your childhood that shape your future to an extent. Some millennials who have lost their parents or their loved ones during their childhood have an ingrained fear of losing someone. Hence, they avoid committing altogether.

Shallow Partnerships

While you might make memes on Boomers, criticizing their choices, it can’t be ignored that they had a solid foundation to their relationships (well, at least, most of them did).

According to statistics, only 1 out of 15 millennial marriages will likely withstand and survive even after the ten years mark. That should say for something.

The constant lack of emotional connection is a significant reason why millennials are afraid of commitment. The majority of them likely choose relationships for convenience. It saves money, lets them move out of their parent’s house, and well, you always have someone for your physical desires and pleasures too.

Not every single millennial in a relationship thinks about taking things a step further. We are talking about being in a relationship for a few years and then thinking about the same.

The “friends with benefits” culture is again a reason why commitment is a big NO in millennials’ relationships.


How Should One Overcome the Fear of Commitment?

Commitment isn’t bad or tying you down. It is quite the contrary. But, if there is a problem, there is a solution to it as well.

But, before we explain a few ways you can overcome this commitment phobic behavior, we should clarify a few things.

Every person has their way of living. Some like having a partner that they can envision growing old with. And, some don’t necessarily see themselves settling down. It is okay either way.

What one decides to do with their life or how they want to live their lives is personal. There is no standard guide to living. The same applies to relationships too.

Now, let’s get back to looking into some of the ways one can overcome their fear of commitment.


Let Time Take its Course

Every single happenstance in your life happens in due course of time. When it comes to commitments, you should never feel pressurized into it. If you feel like it’s the time, go ahead. If you don’t, that’s okay too.

Don’t compare your life with your friends or family around you. Just because your best friend is engaged and ready to settle down doesn’t mean you have to.

Millennials also tend to rush into things when they are hurt or heartbroken. So, if you have just got out of a bad relationship, take your time to work on yourself first.

Build Better Bonds

There is nothing worse than settling for someone who you are not compatible with. If you want to settle down with someone and commit to them just because they are “easy and safe,” don’t. It would help if you found someone who understands you and who you understand as well.

If your partner isn’t emotionally available now, likely, the same won’t change in the near future too.

Compatibility is more than just having similar interests. A life-long relationship won’t sustain if both of you like the same choice of pizza. But, if both of you take the time to understand your struggles, that is what builds the foundation better.

Maybe Think About Getting Professional Help

As we mentioned before, fear of commitment or relationship phobia often stems from childhood trauma. So, even when you know that your current partner is the one for you, your mind will try and find excuses to get out of commitment.

In such cases, you should talk to someone about your troubles. Uprooting the tension right from the stem helps harbor a better romantic relationship with your partner.

You might not realize you need help until you get it or ask for it. If you are not comfortable talking to someone you know, book an appointment with a therapist who can help you self-reflect. Commitment phobia treatment can be good for some individuals.

The more you work on yourself, the easier it becomes for you to handle your new relationship anxiety better.


Before You Go

If you are afraid of commitment, don’t be ashamed. There could be several reasons for it, and every single one of them is tuned to your life. If you don’t want to commit now, that’s okay too. But, if your commitment issues stem from a reason more profound than what you realize, it is always better you get the help you need. Assess the implication of every single step you take. At the end of the day, you want to live a life without regrets.

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Dr Paras

As a Life Coach, I dream of inspiring, empowering, and transforming every individual on this Earth.