“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” — Ernest Hemingway.
Hemingway has always had a way with his words. When you read the quote above, did it make you feel like you relate to it? If it did, there are chances that the loving relationship you are in is not so loving.
See, there is one thing to be in love, and there is one thing to be sired to your partner. Sired has a very royal meaning to it, one that makes you respect and submit to someone with the dignity of a king.
As confusing as it sounds, there are relationships where one partner is sired by the other. How often do you wake up and realize that you have done things in a relationship that you usually won’t? Odds do tell that you are stuck in a relationship with a manipulator.
People have a very timid and discreet way of luring and manipulating you in a relationship, one that you don’t even realize until it’s too late. Situations can become so severe that you lose control over your thoughts, actions, and feelings.
One of the primary reasons people are stuck sired by their partner is because they don’t even realize the symptoms. The first step to empowering yourself is to recognize these signs. Let us walk you down through a few of them.
Are you being bullied into doing things?
Now, when we are talking about “bullying” in a relationship, we aren’t talking about your typical high school bullying where you are called names and pushed against the lockers.
It is a very subtle form of emotional bullying in the relationship.
But, a partner who is sired by the love of their life will not even realize the threat.
Say, if it’s your partner’s day to clean the dishes, but they refuse to do so and demand you do it, instead of retaliating, you reply with a simple “I’d love to do it.” It is where the problem starts.
This is a form of projecting fear and control using their dominant voice. And, often, such situations are followed up with a simple phrase of “It’s okay if you didn’t do it. You could have said No!” making them the better person.
Are you being guilt-tripped?
“If you loved me…”
It is a phrase that you will hear many times when you have a manipulative partner that you are sired by.
Constant guilt tripping is a prevalent form of manipulation. It is a way that demands you prove your love for your partner by doing things that you usually wouldn’t or you don’t want to at the moment.
Let’s give you an example.
Say, you have had a very rough day at work. You have constantly been working for the last 10 hours, trying to piece things together and just lay down once you are home.
But, once you do come home, you find your partner all dressed, waiting for you to get dressed for a party that they are invited too. Typically, if you have a good understanding, you will likely suggest your partner go along, but if you are sired and are manipulative, you will find yourself getting dressed to go to the party even when all you want is to lay down on the bed.
You can be in a relationship, be your person and, at the same time, prioritize yourself and your partner’s needs simultaneously.
Are you emotionally blackmailed?
Another way to find out if you are being sired in a relationship is by checking whether your partner is emotionally blackmailing you.
Emotional blackmailing in relationships could be something subtle or theatrical.
Simple phrases of “I’ll die if you don’t do that” can project a lot of controlling behavior that you are likely not even aware of.
When you are sired with your partner, you’ll want to always place their happiness above yours, even if it comes at the cost of manipulation that you likely don’t even realize.
Are you witnessing convenient clinginess towards your partner?
Being sired to your partner is not always mental bullying in a relationship. Sometimes, you are just way too invested in someone that you forget your self-worth. You forget about your needs and the things that represent your personality.
One common trait of that is the constant clinginess towards your partner. It is also a form of unwarranted dependency that you can’t seem to overcome.
It is one thing needing your partner’s attention on you, but it is another thing wanting to be by their side 24x7. It leads to enhanced toxicity in a relationship, making it extremely hard for you to recover after a potential break up.
Are you forgetting to prioritize yourself?
How often do you cancel plans with your friends to be with your partner?
Do they tell you to ditch your morning sleep to get a Starbucks with them? And, you willingly do that even when you are not an early rise?
It is time you understand and realize these are red flags.
If you are changing yourself and your life to accommodate your partner’s needs, it is time you take a step back.
If your partner is using your kind and humble nature against you, you will likely be manipulated unknowingly.
You can be in a relationship, be your person, and at the same time, prioritize yourself and your partner’s needs simultaneously.
Are you being gaslighted?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that makes you think things didn’t even happen in reality.
Say, you bought your partner a costly meal last month, they will likely make you believe that you probably didn’t. This is one of the examples of gaslighting.
If you do end up giving in to their words and being gaslighted when you know for a fact that’s not the case, you are likely sired.
When situations like this persist, you will start distrusting your brain to the point that you fail to realize what is right and what is not.
No relationship is perfect but being in a toxic relationship is not better than being in none.
Does fear always control you?
It can be an evident sign, one that could bring you out of your trance of love and dependency.
If you are sired to the point that you are afraid of your partner’s behavior, it is time to take a step back.
Saying yes to doing things just because you are afraid of how your partner would react is very alarming.
In case things take a turn for the worse, especially when the environment around you seems unsafe, leave and find shelter somewhere else.
How to prevent this in a relationship?
Now that we have discussed the possible signs of you being sired in a relationship, it is time to discuss a few ways to combat them. So, how to prioritize yourself in a relationship? Scroll down!
Realize that something’s wrong
One of the first signs of getting yourself out of such a relationship is realizing that something is wrong.
Most of the time, people who are sired by their partner don’t even realize it.
Once you know that you are stuck in a relationship that demands putting your partner’s needs before yours ALL THE TIME, it becomes easier for you to find a way out of it.
Confront your partner
A relationship is all about transparency. If you can’t even confess your feelings to your partner, mainly when affecting your mental health, what even is the purpose?
Talking to your partner about this toxic dependency and lack of self-prioritization can help you find a better way to cope.
Getting a fresh perspective from your partner helps you understand whether your partner’s manipulation in a relationship or your lack of self-individualism in the relationship.
It helps you navigate better through the relationship better in the future.
Take a step back
If you are guilt-tripped continuously to do things you usually wouldn’t, it is time to take a step back.
There is nothing wrong with finding your identity in the relationship before you lose yourself further into the depths.
It is okay being besotted to your partner but not to the point that it makes you lose yourself down the road.
Learn to Say NO
One of the most prominent signs of being sired in a relationship is finding yourself agreeing to everything they say or ask for. It his is what needs changing.
If you don’t want your partner to take you for granted, tell them No in instances that make you uncomfortable.
If you don’t want to step out of the house in the middle of the night, tell them so.
If you don’t feel like giving them money that they asked for, inform them about it. It is not that tough at all.
Final Words
No relationship is perfect but being in a toxic relationship is not better than being in none.
If you feel put down in your relationship and want professional guidance to steer you towards the right path, Dr. Paras from Matrixx is here to help you out with just that. Book a consultation and foster a healthy relationship.
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